Safety in Expression

I have officially been in Richmond for 2 1/2 months and it has been the most exciting adventure. My roommate is absolutely amazing and has really aided in this transition. Experiencing life for the first time 100% on my own terms is liberating in a way I never expected. Everyday I learn more and more about myself. It is quite the unveiling of a new person. In the past few weeks I have learned a lot about what I want and expect when it comes to those in relationship with me. Whether it be romantic or platonic, I am starting to own what I bring to the table and be proud of that. I am such an empath. It’s ridiculous sometimes, but in the same breath probably one of my favorite things about myself. I love connecting with people on a deeper level. Diving into and learning about what really makes up their personalities and why people are the way they are. I feel deeply for other people as well as myself. Despite my deep emotional well, I also thoroughly enjoy the simplest most light hearted elements of life. I want to dance around my room with a big t-shirt on and my hair not done and sing my favorite songs as loud as I can with no care of what it looks like. ( I do this at least once a day lol) I love spontaneously popping up and doing a yoga flow and centering. I want to cuddle and watch chick flicks or prison shows on Netflix. I want someone who understands that I don’t always have something to say, that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be on FaceTime and enjoy your essence and virtual or physical presence. I love these random moods of creativity that overtake me where I feel like I have to express myself. Whether it be through dancing, or painting blogging or sketching. I am learning to listen to what my body and heart are telling me at any given moment. If a connection with a person feels really good, then I am going to tend to it with no expectations just allowing myself to enjoy a new energy. If there’s a job that I feel drawn to, I will work on it. I am really learning to release the incessant control and just let it happen. I am not going to be ashamed or embarrassed to express what’s in my head or heart. My choice to verbalize what’s internally moving me doesn’t mean that I have overthought something, or want the same from someone else in that moment. Being true to myself and my feelings is crucially necessary for me in this season. If I like you ill tell you, if I want to be friends i’m gonna just say it. If I don’t like or don’t want to do something, ill just express that. No fears, no hangups, no regrets. As long as my communication is clear, effective, and kind, I’m going with it. I wanted to be more intentional with what i’m allowing into my body and how I am moving and exercising and challenging myself and my body. It has felt really nice to be pushing myself again and experiencing new wins. It’s definitely a process and I can unintentionally be so hard on myself, so I am working on grace and patience for sure.

Jahara Stevenson